currently...

it's been too long since I've done a kid update on here, so here we go.

currently...

FINLEY:

• is loving preschool! the two days a week schedule works out great for everybody right now. he has learned the "elbow cough" which is a good way of not spreading germs and Audrey has caught onto it, so that's nice. he makes pictures or crafts everyday. eats his whole lunch. plays hard on the playground. and ms. Ingrid says he always has good days, is a good helper, and is very well behaved (phew!) lol!
• is FOUR years old. and very much not a baby anymore. all the things that kept him a toddler are totally done now. his speech and talking has matured a lot and he just "gets" things now.
• loves curious George
• doesn't nap
• still loves all things construction related. he actually got to ride on a skid loader at the homestead with daddy, who rented one for some projects. that was a cool day!
• is bailey's bff. for real. he loves her. she loves him. if she's fussing, he almost always takes the initiative to walk over and talk to her and make her happy. it works. happy momma here.
• wears size 5 clothing.
• has a tender heart and likes to know the rules.
• is sometimes a follower when he's around bigger kids.
• is awesome.

getting his birthday gift from meema and gpa steve on skype!

AUDREY:

• is 2 1/2
• is very familiar with the time out corner, ha!
• gives the best kisses and hugs
• LOVES her daddy
• sings entire songs all by herself
• still loves baby dolls and is always carrying one around
• cheers her bubby on when he does something good. "yahoo! yay! good jowb, finney!"
• is potty trained (!) without much effort on my part. gotta be my reward for the torture that was potty training finley, hahahaha!
• talks.all.the.time :) (I did ask God for a talkative daughter)
• her favorite song is "no more monkeys jumpin on da bed!"
• is very funny and animated. and bossy. don't know where that came from. do YOU, aunt Katie?!?!?!
• is such joy and light to jake and me

BAILEY

• "oh, bails"
• (we say this at least once a day) :)
• will be 6 months old on Saturday! SAY WHAT NOW?!?!
• eats some solid food before bed. i'll gradually increase this.
• she only woke up once last night from 6:30pm-7am! thank you, solid food.
• so she is not sleeping through the night yet, lol
• can be distracted by toys...such a blessing to be in this stage. but don't think about crawling anytime soon!
• is a big, chunky, wonderful chub of love!
• we all adore our bails. even in the tough days, which we still have.
• and she has these unique, sparkly eyes.

so there you have it. jake and I are doing great! October was out of control busy for us and the wedding venue, so we are now entering the quiet season until about feb/march. we are all so ready for this. there is a lot to look forward to coming up. thanksgiving at a lake house with my mom and steve, Katie, liz and danny! YAY for grandparents and aunts and an uncle. I plan on only nursing bailey, and letting them do everything else! hahaha! but for real :)
Christmas in Illinois this year with jake's family. all great things.

 a typical afternoon outside

 fin's bday party!

 pumpkin patch...they were all actually happy, lol!

 THAT THIGH.

 halloween with cousins!

daddy and his youngest (he's so hott)

thanks for checking in! hope all is well in your world.

love to you.

mer

taker

i just feel the need to write right now. i'm not quite sure what will come of it so if you wanna come back another time, i understand :) you see, i was just processing some stuff with jake about the new women's group in our church that I've been a part of. it's been a huge joy and i love going on Wednesday mornings. here's my thing...

i am a taker.

i'm the 4th of 5 kids in my family. do you know what that means? my big sisters and brother took care of me. always. especially my sisters. my mom and dad were great parents and very much helped me along the way. i'm not a leader by personality. i am shy. quiet. introverted. i am this on the outside. that's what most people see. but. there is a truly out of control, loud(er), ridiculous mere that some people get to know. and i am honestly both. both are true representations of me. 

the quiet me is a taker.

it's easier to sit back and let others be in the spotlight. to listen and not contribute. to read blogs instead of write them. to expect others to be prepared instead of preparing. this is the curse of being a younger sibling (in my case). i am in no way making that an excuse. i am just saying that it has contributed to my taking. i am one of the small group leaders of our Wednesday morning group and i did a bad job this time through. i'm not having a pity party or beating myself up. it's just true. i didn't prepare week to week the way a leader should have. sure, i have 3 small, insanely busy and needy children (who i adore with all my being), but there is always something(s), right?

i think i am just wondering what would happen if i stopped taking so much. what if i was truly intentional? what if i planned ahead? what if i took certain things more seriously? what if i gave with all my heart?

yikes. all those things scare me. i feel anxiety in my stomach. by default, i am laid back. i don't plan too much. i am not a control freak. i don't usually put socks on my kids when it's chilly outside (i know, i am working on it. i ran back in the house this morning to get Audrey some-which she took off as soon as we got to church!) i don't worry all that much. i can wing it. i just assume things will be taken care of.
and these can all be good things.

they can also hinder God's work. in huge ways.

deep down in my heart, i want more. i want more responsibility. more entrusted to me. more opportunities to give and serve and lead. but i'm terrified. and i can easily hide behind all my babies and be super busy and exhausted (yes, true).
but what if? what if i gave just a little bit more. and then a little more than that. i wonder what would happen.

love to you.
mer 

stopping

rejoice in this divine romance.

in a very dark time in my life, the sweet Lord connected with me in the picture of romance with him. of dancing with him. of him being all I need. it was the sweetest time I've ever known. in the middle of some painful things, I was safe. I was held. I was taken care of. he knew me. even if I didn't let most people. it was in this place that I learned to rejoice no matter what. that I learned to completely abandon myself to him. the place where I was truly me. I've never been more alive.

life these days is busy. we say that all the time, huh. my days are packed full every hour just about. at least I pack them full. now with 3 babies 3 and under, yes. my days are full. but I do have time. I know I do. I usually want to zone out and watch tv or sit with jake or just be. that's what babies do to you. i'm learning that I can take a little bit of time to try and connect to this place with my Jesus that I knew so well long ago. it won't look the same. I don't have 2 hours in the middle of the day to completely unplug and be in his presence. but I can turn on some Jesus music and amidst the bustle, I can rest. I can ask his Spirit to somehow let the words others have written to penetrate my heart. even when i'm giving time outs and getting out the "play beans" so they can make a gigantic mess in the kitchen. but it keeps them quite for a while. and I can write this and be in that place for a few moments.

Jesus is so sweet. and he is patient with me. he waits. he wants me. and he waits. when I finally step away and ask for him, he comes. every time. so faithful.

rejoice in this divine romance.

love.
mer

true

here's my heart, Lord.
speak what is true.
here's my life, Lord.
speak what is true.

i am found.
i am yours.
i am loved.
i'm made pure.
i have life.
i can breathe.
i am healed.
i am free.

cause you are strong.
you are sure.
you are life.
you endure.
you are good.
always true.
you are light.
breaking through.
you are more.
you are here.
you are love.
you are hope.
you are grace.
you're all I have.
you're everything.

here's my heart, Lord.
here's my heart, Lord.
here's my heart, Lord.
speak what is true.

speak what is true.

thank you, David Crowder for these words. this is right where I am today. praying and longing for His goodness to consume my sin. His light to consume my darkness. His peace to consume my anxiety. and His hope to consume my lack of. I want truth to speak to me and nothing else. His love is so kind.

if you have a minute, listen to this song, "here's my heart" today. you won't regret it.

much love.
mer

well, hello

hi there. my, the stretches between blogs seems to keep growing. life is flying by. yesterday was my beloved's birthday. it was a warm, loving, grace filled day celebrating my jake. good friends and family showed lots of love and it meant a lot to him. I can't believe we are in the second half of September already. I don't mind it too much because all the best times of year are coming up. to look back though, we had quite the summer. almost all of our family on both sides made a huge trip to come visit us and meet the newbie, bailey. and our dear friends the Eisenzimmers came all the way from Portland, too. that is love. to be honest, life right after bailey gray was born was rough. painful. sleepless. stressful. hard. and if you came to visit us in the midst of that, you BLESSED us. more than you will ever know. from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

this fall is different for us. my big, almost 4 year old, finley, is in preschool twice a week. can I get an amen?!? ha! it truly is good for ALL of us :) he is loving it. his teacher says he is doing great and I get some much needed one on one time with audrey. it is such a treasure taking only 2 kids to the grocery store! and I have time to just sit on the living room floor while Audrey draws or reads to me with no interruptions. till bailey wakes up that is, but it is sweet time. 

our church started the first ever womens morning/bible study group and I LOVE it. it's so wonderful and refreshing getting to know the ladies of ridge church.

little bailey is our little song bird. she literally sings. very early in the morning most days and in the car. I will get a video of it, because it is so funny. jake started calling her song bird and it just might stick. she had a rough first few months, but for the most part now, she is a delight! we love our bails.

being in the season of discipline (hopefully Godly, consistent, grace filled discipline) of two babes under 4 is exhausting. completely and utterly exhausting. and i need Him.  

like i said, i can't believe it's mid September. and that my newborn is over 4 months old. and that finley is almost 4. and that Audrey is in the "big girl" class at church now. my babies and me are all learning and growing. a lot of days are long and difficult. mothering is so.so.so.hard. and amazing. God has been very gracious through His people and just in Himself this year. all i know is, Lord willing, tomorrow i will get up, early, and drink my iced coffee and somehow get all the kids fed and dressed and get ourselves in the car to get to women's group. hopefully tomorrow, i will think of the Lord and be present, intentional, awake. often i fumble through my days with 3 young kids and just try to survive till bedtime. i know these days of young babies will pass so fast and i'm trying to soak it up. i will also soak up spit up, sticky syrup spotted tables, spilled morning coffee all over the table, floor, and iphone (it survived, thankfully) and poop. lots of poop. and it couldn't be a better life. i just don't want it to pass me by.

love to you.
mer

whole30 and beyond

good day, y'all. hope it's treating you well. so far today, finley accidentally sat on bailey's face as she was laying on the floor, and Audrey was trying to fill up her water bottle at one of those fridge water things and she must have not known how to stop once it was full and it started overflowing. she started screaming and then, I guess, pulled it off too hard and it all dumped down on her face. it was actually really funny, but she was freaking out. she kept yelling, "NO WA-WER! NOOO!" and in the process, I burned my eggs. that smells good.

so, I promised a whole30 wrap up, and here is my attempt. I've debated the best way to go about it and I might just make a list of lessons learned/tips we discovered along the way.
in case you don't know what i'm talking about, whole30 is this: eating ONLY meats/fish, vegetables, some fruit, some nuts, and oils for 30 days. it is a program designed to detox your body from all the chemicals, processed foods, and junk we consume. also, it's designed to get your body to stop craving sugar and unhealthy food that does not fuel you or satisfy you. you eat whole foods with NO added sugar in the ingredients (which is more a challenge then you think).

the downsides to whole30:

• it is expensive. we spent nearly double our grocery budget to have a constant supply of fresh produce and meats (but we didn't eat out at all and so it balanced out).
• it is a lot of work. you basically need to cook/prepare something for 3 meals a day/7 days a week. there are tricks to make this easier, but it's time consuming.
• it's very hard in the beginning.

the upsides to whole30:

• my body craves vegetables.
• my mind is clear. I am able to control my emotions and just think more clearly in general. I didn't even necessarily know food affected my reasoning ability, but it does. in the highly stressful, chaotic moments of my day, I am able to deal a lot better (probably because I am not grabbing a cookie or diet coke or handful of m&m's when i'm stressed anymore).
• I know, now, the amount and kind of food my body needs to be fueled and satisfied and it is less than I used to eat.
• jake and I have tried out a TON of new recipes and have worked together to make meals and it has been so fun.
• jake and I did this together and it was really, really cool. I asked him to do it with me and then he jumped on board. in the beginning when you feel miserable and just want to eat some bread or a cookie or something, he would be strong when I was weak and wanted to give in and vice versa. our relationship grew because of this practice of denial and perseverance. because it really is a practice of both.
• fruit tastes like desert. since we haven't been eating deserts or artificial flavors and foods at all, we can actually appreciate the pure sweetness of strawberries or mangos or peaches. they are so satisfying. watermelon was a lifesaver :)
• I fit in all my pre-preggo clothes.

some tips we learned during whole30:

• putting lemon and/or lime in your water is helpful and feels like a splurge after drinking only water. we figured this out on day 10. ha!
• if black coffee is not appealing to you (it was NOT for me), drink it iced. it really helps and now I love it.
• learn ALL the ways to make eggs in the morning and try em out. I got so sick of eggs by day 14, but we started mixing it up and we got through it.
• when you want to quit, don't. it really is so worth it.
• in the early days when you think a sandwich will make your headache and dizziness and yuckiness go away, eat 3 big carrots (this is what happened to me on day 9 :)).
• do it with someone! I could not have done it without jake. if you're married, I don't know how you can do it without your spouse. no way could I make food for me and him separately. plus it's accountability and encouragement.
• pray. when you crave something, pray.
• frozen grapes! an awesome treat when you really want dessert.
• finally, drink hot tea after dinner. it totally makes you not want anything else to eat.

there ya have it. jake and I had a super positive experience and it just was a really healthy thing to do physically, emotionally, and spiritually. watching my babe stick it out when he was struggling was very encouraging and made me want to also.

text your friends who have done it before you when you're struggling. thank you, rebekah ransom, julie zellers, and jessica williams :)

our Bails. she's keepin us young :)

love to you.
mer

coffee time

so, if we were out to coffee right now, i'd be telling you about the following things going on around the greer's casa.

• bailey gray is 10 weeks old today! somehow, that went by fast. she was one tough newborn, that sweet girl. she is doing quite a bit better now. still fussy during the day, but probably cause I can barely ever hold the dear girl cause i'm chasing little people, or trying to get us in the car, or wiping up poop off the carpet, etc. we sure love her. especially big bro and big sis. she is sleeping pretty good at night! much better than bro and sis were at this age. still up a couple times, but i'll take it. she is in the 93% for weight. we looooove the baby rolls around here.
• audrey repeats EVERYTHING finley does. everything, people. which meeeaaaannnsss, when finley throws a fit because i won't let him use a real knife to cut play-doh, audrey suddenly wants the same knife and when i tell her no, it's the end of the world all over again. most the time her little shadowing is cute. sometimes her little shadowing sends everyone to their rooms because mama is "gonna say something she will regret". lol.
• i've never felt the kind of exhaustion i have felt since bailey came into the world. when i finally sit down for the night, it's that deep down, thirst producing, feet gonna fall off, if i close my eyes i wont wake up, kind of exhaustion. 
• i've finally gotten the whole 3 kids in the grocery store thing down. i've been going to the "cookie store" a lot because it's close to the house, and if the little children are well behaved, they get a free cookie from the bin on the way out. whoever designed that was definitely a mom.
• jake and i are closing up day 14 of the whole30 program. y'all. this is a huge deal for us. if you are unfamiliar, whole30 is a program where for 30 days you eat NOTHING but meat, fruits, veggies, and some nuts. and healthy oils like olive and coconut. neither jake or i have ever cut out any kind of food from our diets, let alone dairy, carbs, beans, sugar, etc all at once. it's been eye opening and miserable so far! ha! they say the first 2 weeks are really hard as your body is detoxing from all the crap we usually fill it with. the last 2 weeks are when you start feeling amazing and seeing results. i will certainly come back and fill you in on how it ends. neither of us have cheated at all, and there is NO way i could be doing this without him. such a great teammate i have. i love my jake so much. i could talk much more on this whole30 thing, but i'm too tired. :)
• just so you know, this means i have had NO diet coke or sweetened coffee in 14 days. did not think that was possible for me.
• i am thankful that i feel like a person again. having a new baby is so crazy, i think. i know a lot of women love it, but it's hard on me. i'm thankful for the grace of sweet Jesus that got me through. and i can't thank my sweet family members for making HUGE sacrifices in order to fly here and serve me! would not have made it without you. mom, liz, katie, mom greer, jenny. my heart is full. so thank you.
• church is good. i love our church. and my high school girls.

man, i need to put some pictures on here. sorry. i know no one wants to just read words. boring. but it's all i got for now. thanks for checking in.

hope you're getting full nights of sleep wherever you are!

love to you,
mer

right now

good day to you. hope it is going quite well.
currently at the greers:
audrey is dumping goldfish back and forth between two bowls. there will no doubt be many fish casualties we will have to vacuum up later.
finley is laying out on the couch with gunky pink eye (?)... I hope not. and a cough and fever. let's hope it stays contained to him. not likely.
bailey was sleeping soundly in my room, but as I started typing this she is now yelling at me through the monitor. dang it. be right back.

it's been an hour and a half since I wrote "be right back". lol.

right NOW, bailey is asleep in the swing.
finley is still dripping stuff from his eyes.
audrey is pouring water from her "big girl" cup into her bowl of pasta. I guess the water cup was a little premature.

this is my life right now. moment by moment. I can't think or plan much past the "right now". and I think that's just fine. I've been discouraged for several weeks since bailey came along. I think I was just grieving the freedom I had with a 3 and 2 year old. no 2-3 hour nursing schedule. no completely sleepless nights...yes, they've happened. no being controlled by her continuous napping schedule. no SCREAMING infant in the van for several long car rides. no doctors appointments to get to so often.

and then I had a realization. it was one night a few days ago. I was up rocking bailey back to sleep at some forsaken hour and it hit me...this is my job right now. not in a negative way. being this mom of a 3, 2 and infant baby is my job. no one else can calm bailey like I can. no one gets her to sleep faster. no one else nurses her. it's not always fun being tied down (that sounds terrible) to an infant in the house, but it's my job. and truly, it's a calling and a privilege. and I KNOW she will not be little for very long. I have 2 huge, giant kids who can attest to that. life speeds by.

so that's where we are. I am. my biggest sis, Katie, is coming on Monday and i'm really excited! :) i'm gonna make her do all kinds of tiring things. ha! we're a tiring bunch.

I really wish we weren't out of chocolate chips right now because choco chip cookies would just round out this day.

hope all is well in your world.
love,
mer

birth and babies and crazy, oh my

YOU GUYS. hello! man, it has been a loooong time since I've been here. perhaps it's because we've been vacationing all over Europe and eating luxurious foods and shopping for upscale, lovely clothes.

OR maybe it's because I gave birth to our 3rd child in 3 years and life has been out.of.control. okay, not completely out of control, but nutty crazy definitely. our little baby girl decided to come early, much to my SHOCK as I am typically overdue and my gigantic babies take hours and hours to be born. this little one was quite different. labor technically started Tuesday night when I had contractions for about 4 hours. nothing intense, but consistent. I started freaking out, kinda. I had not even packed a bag! or gotten a pedicure. or showered. these things are vital when about to give birth, people. I slept a little bit that night. all day Wednesday jake was on "my baby might be coming" duty all day at work and texting me every hour or so to see what was up. I felt so yucky all day. I was still having contractions, but they weren't super consistent and my whole body was just sore and exhausted and I still didn't feel mentally ready for labor to be upon me. I decided I needed to get mentally, emotionally and physically in the groove because I could just tell ready or not our baby wanted out. jake got home from work and I watched saved by the bell on Netflix
that night trying to stay relaxed. I slept from midnight on Wednesday night until 4 am when I woke up because of a big contraction. I waited one hour and they were every 4-5 minutes apart and getting pretty painful. I called our sisters in law who were on finley and audrey duty. they came around 5:30 Thursday morning and we headed to the hospital. once we got there I could barely stand through the contractions and I was 5 cm dialated. this was great news for one who usually gets bad news when being "checked". haha! I got an epidural around 8:30 and it was smooooth sailing from there. it was the most chill birth experience. just jake and I sitting in our room, hanging out, sleeping off and on. by 12:30 I was 10 cm and ready to push. all the people came in and I pushed for about 30 minutes and little baby was born at 1:18 pm. it was wonderful. the baby came out and no one had announced if it was a boy or girl so I asked "what is it?!" and jake and the doctor said at the same time, "IT'S A GIRL!" at which I sat up and yelled, "WHAT!?! A GIRL!?" I was shocked because I was convinced it was a boy in there. it was so fun being completely surprised like that. little Bailey Gray Greer was 8 pounds 5 ounces, which felt tiny compared to our 9 pounders. I am so thankful for the way bailey came and the whole experience. she was just ready to be out here with us I guess!

I've had help here with me since she was born. hallelujah! jake's sister, jenny, my dear friend, was here for 2 weeks after. and my mom and sister, liz, were here last week. so much love and service these lovely people have given me. jake's mom is coming this week and then my other sister, Katie will be here at the end of the month. SO.... I am blessed. and it's a good thing because i'm not sure I would have/will make it without the extra hands. little bailey girl is not exactly an "easy" baby so far. she slept terribly the first 3 weeks and she screams, SCREAMS almost everytime we get in the car. so that's fun. finley and audrey are mostly adjusting well. they both have more meltdowns than normal and things that wouldn't always bother them are the end of the world right now. but hey, for me too, I guess :) 3 in 3 years is not for the faint of heart. there's many tears and often a lack of patience. each day we get a little more used to it. and eventually, this will all be a faint memory as we block out these majorly sleep deprived early days. God's grace i'm sure.

anyway, we are a new family of 5 and some days are better than others. thanks for stopping by. i'm sure I will have many nightmare-ish posts about being alone with 3 babes in no time.

love, love.

mer

midnight sesh

what's a nearly 9 month pregnant person to do at 11:54 pm when they can't sleep? get up, eat some lucky charms, turn on dc cupcakes on netflix and blog of course.

it's been a while. life has been mostly calm and causal around here. our new house is still amazing and so peaceful. we're almost totally done decorating! i love our bedroom :). let me tell ya a heroic tale of the missing curtains. so i found these curtains at ikea (remember those ones i mentioned?). well, our ikea had been out of stock for forever. finally i called and they said they were discontinued in charlotte. BUMMER. i had already bought other things for our room because of those curtains. anyway, MY MOM went on a serious search for them at the ikea in Portland. after a couple weeks and several phone calls and emails to the curtain lady there, SHE FOUND SOME and sent them to me :) she saved the day. she's good at that. anyone reading who knows my mom, knows this is completely in her character and has accomplished many more insane things for her kids and so many others. she's basically a miracle worker. anyway, thanks ma. the curtains are absolutely perfect.

to be honest, life is wearing me out these days. it's not just pregnancy. it's just this fallen world we live in. bombings shouldn't happen. kids shouldn't be abused. people shouldn't go hungry. relationships shouldn't end. and some day, NONE of this will happen. in the meantime, it's tiring.

it's exactly one month from my due date. that is actually really crazy to think about. it's been a wild ride for the greers this year. i am getting nervous about having a newborn again. finley and audrey are little lights in our life. and they take a LOT of energy. ha! in a lot of ways, they've gotten easier to take care of every day. they both communicate with words and have some reasoning abilities. it takes much more energy to pour into their hearts and teach them how to be like Jesus and why we want to be. but another baby is coming. we are starting all over. can't wait for those newborn snuggles, but infants are difficult. they are constantly in need. i know this will change our family dynamic drastically. i think it's gracious of God to have pregnant women get to such a miserable point in pregnancy that all you want is that baby to be OUT. i think it helps in the transition process. just my opinion :)

anyway, i think there is much more i could write about and tell you. like how when me or jake pick up audrey she grabs our neck so tight like we can't ever let her go. or how finley rubs my belly and says it's a boy "just like him". or how it's been way too many days since i've had a proper iced coffee. or how even my maternity clothes are getting snug (gulp, sigh). or how everytime i ask finley to do something he responds with, "nooooo problem!" or how audrey says it's another sissy in my belly. at least one of them is right. or how i am thankful for our little life and the beautiful, extra things we have. like curtains and lucky charms. oh, and strawberry poptarts. this might explain the snug preggy clothes :) lol.

here's a few pics of us lately. truly hope you are doing well wherever you are. thanks for stopping by.

love to you.
mer

procrastinating

hi there, you. sure hope all is well in your land. i've been procrastinating blogging. i've put all this pressure on myself to write an epic and amazing post about our new house with pictures and details and all the merriment we've felt. i have no pictures yet (on this computer at least). and some of our rooms are not complete so i don't want to make a big reveal until all is set. anyhow. we've been in this amazing place for almost 2 weeks now. c-a-razy. all i can say is that the abundant blessings of this home flow daily. i've told a few of my close friends about how this whole year, God has taken some crummy circumstances and graciously, lavishly blessed jake and i. so much that i feel unworthy of the gifts. like i don't deserve it. and i know i don't really, but in His love He has given good gifts. 

we were able to get an awesome new (to us) van, that we didn't want or expect because of a car wreck.

we were able to pay off all our debt because of a generous gift given to us (we've been working hard and waiting to be debt free since we graduated college with school loans. man, it is incredible to be done paying those).

we were able to move into a lovely, bigger, calmer, safer home that we didn't want or expect because our house got robbed 3 times. 

in the waiting time, God lavishly provided family and friends and extra cash to spend to keep our minds off the waiting and to keep me sane :).   

every single room in our new house has an abundant blessing. both the kids have bigger closets and plenty of space. jake and i, for the first time in our marriage, have our own bathroom (!). so fun. we didn't need 2 bathrooms. but it is so fun to have an adult one with 2 sinks and a HUGE bathtub for my giant, pregnant self. jake and i EACH have a walk in closet. unheard of, and so fun! THE KITCHEN: oh my, this list is long. it has pretty granite countertops (didn't want or need these, but so fun!), OUR fridge makes perfect crushed ice!!!! HELLO pregnancy life saver! in our own house i can have ice whenever i want it. which is all day :) we have a garbage disposal, not a need, but really nice to have. we have a brand new washer and dryer. our stove is new and clean and pretty. we have plenty of room in the kitchen for our table so now the kids eat on that floor instead of carpet. huge plus for not having to vacuum after most meals. we have a huge backyard with a great deck. the neighborhood is quiet and calm and friendly and PEACEFUL. we no longer hear police/ambulance/fire truck sirens all hours of the day. or drag races in the middle of the night. or gun shots. i feel so calm in this house. what a gift when a new baby will be coming soon. our babies are happy and love it here. i am not anxious at all when jake is working late. so far, we don't have any roaches :).

you see, i loved our old van. i loved our old house. it was what i knew and what i was content with. i had no desire to get a new van or house. we certainly didn't need either one. but my sweet, sweet King took some yucky stuff and made it beautiful. and so beyond what i could ask for or imagine (as Joy said :)). it humbles me so greatly. all of this has simply been a gift. because our debt got paid off in january, we are able to afford the increase in rent. that is not a coincidence. i pray my heart will stay in this place of total thanks and humility. i'm sure it will be tempted to wander, but for now, i sit teary eyed in awe of the kindness of the Lord. and His insane mercy shown to our little family.

"they say things simply cannot grow beneath the winter snow...is love alive?...this is my winter song. december never felt so long...i still believe in summer days...life will find a way...i'll be your harvester of light so we can start again...is love alive?...is love alive?"  
                  winter song by sara bareilles and ingird michaelson 

yes it is. even in the winter. and i can't wait to celebrate it this sunday on Easter. 

all my posts have been so serious lately. i guess life has been serious. but soon i'm sure i will write some funny kid stories and ridiculous mom situations. i mean, those don't just stop. haha! 

love to you.
mer mer    
 

 

 

heeeeeeey

a lunch/coffee/dinner date with mer. 

if we were together right now, i would be telling you about the following:

the house we are going to rent closed today for the buyers we are renting from. this is great news. we are supposed to get the keys tomorrow, but there is one more thing with the bank they have to process or something...we are trying to be excited, but the move in date has been moved back several times, so we are not exactly holding our breath.
we REALLY hope we get the keys tomorrow because my amazing, wonderful, little brother danny is in town riiiiiiight now and he leaves on saturday and he is an INCREDIBLE mover. and would help make jake's life much easier if he was here to help. SO HOPE WITH US, K?!? 

i have an addiction. it's very serious. yes, it's my classic pregnancy ice craving. i've mentioned it before. i need help. my poor teeth are taking a beating.

we had a babysitter come over tonight so we could go hang out with danny. of course, we hit up red robin and then went to the mall to get DOUBLE DOOZIES from great american cookie company. oh.my.geesh. so worth a trip to the mall just for one. if you are unfamiliar, a double doozie is TWO cookies of your choice stuffed with the most perfect frosting/cream ever. fo real. brought much joy to my inside baby and me.

i am excited about being moved into our new house because i have not watched any of my shows since the end of january. i will have many to catch up on when jake works weddings the next couple months.

i have NO IDEA what baby stuff i have packed away and seriously need to do inventory of what we have/need for this baby3 to come. which i am getting quite excited about not being pregnant anymore................ :)

i am experiencing one of the worst pregnancy things ever lately. it literally takes me at least one whole hour after i get in bed to actually fall asleep. usually it takes 1 1/2-2 hours every night for my body to finally settle down. it.is.horrible. it's surely not because i am lacking tiredness. everything is so tired, but it's like i have ants in my legs and just cannot settle down. last night after an hour of trying to go to sleep, i finally got up and came down the stairs and had ice cream and watched hgtv until 1:30am. i always crave really obscure things while i'm just laying there in bed. the other night i couldn't stop thinking about peanut butter and milk so i finally made myself get up and get some so i would stop thinking about it. sleep is always uncomfortable for a pregnant person after the 30 week mark, but this is way worse then i've ever had before. i think i need to get into some soothing tea or something like that.

i've been to ikea 3 times to get some new curtains that i want for our new bedroom, and they are out of the ones i want every time! sheesh, ikea. but glad to know i'm unique in what i like. lol.   

i miss my portland friends.

the last 2 months have seriously been insane. life has felt exhausting and overwhelming pretty much every day. yet, we just keep going. there are times when it feels like jake and i are business partners who check in with what each other has gotten done for the family that day. other times, we are all grumpy and not super cheerful. sometimes, we can just laugh and see the blessings that this time of life has brought us. sometimes life feels incredibly inconvenient and i am tired of juggling the kids to get them out of the way or to be quiet or whatever. when we pull into the "work house" and finley asks, "is this our home?" my heart breaks a little bit and all i want is a home for him again. at the same time, i am thankful he has adjusted and does enjoy being here for the time being. i've experienced the depth of my weakness as a mom and wife and human being. i cannot do it all. a sweet, difficult lesson to learn. and certainly not the way i would choose to learn it, but it brings me to a place of repentance and thankfulness. i may or may not have said the "f" word more times in the last 2 months than my whole life combined. see, major weakness here. haha. at least when i did say it no one could hear me. it's amazing to see the Lord's provision in all this. the way random, unexpected people have blessed us. thank you. the way finley has learned to be a "good worker" because every afternoon we are outside watching and helping daddy work. let me tell you, it's a huge help for jake and josh when finley uses his shovel to dig mulch out of their well maintained areas and place it in the grass or the driveway, etc. haha. but he is learning. and that is a sweet, sweet blessing to see his heart want to work. he has this one area he always plays in and he calls it his construction site. he has his shovel, dump truck, front loader, and a giant snow shovel that he LOVES using. he's something else, that boy. audrey has just gone along with everything. she will just follow us along and is usually happy if she has a baby doll and stroller in hand (her lip seems to be healing really well! she busted it really badly at the park on sunday).

all in all, we are SO ready to be in our new place. and SO thankful for how we've been provided for in this crazy time. 

now please, tell me what's been going on with YOU? 

if we were out together, i'd totally be having blueberry pancakes right now :)
guess i'll go start my hour trek into dream land. 

love you so.
mer