november

it's the end of november. i feel like i've been a bit distant this month. life changed a little bit on october 31st... because.... i stopped working for callsource. you know, my part-time, always behind, blessing and a curse job... yeah, i don't do calls anymore. you see, they actually fired me. i know, so embarrassing. apparently i didn't get the memo on some new ways they wanted calls done and without a warning or anything, i got canned! i was shocked at first. and embarrassed. it's been almost a whole month now without thinking/worrying about calls. i've been doing this job nearly 3 years now, so it's certainly been a life change. jake and i have been planning on me quitting early next year as the baby's arrival gets closer and all that, but we weren't quiiiite ready to make that change. we still need the income. however, i am SO SO grateful that i don't have the burden of calls anymore. God knew what i would be dealing with and His grace is sufficient. He will provide that minimal income of mine. we will be just fine. we always are. i think my mind, heart and soul are much more important than that money. the job was truly weighing heavily on me. it isn't a hard job, so i always felt really guilty complaining about it. 

this 3rd pregnancy is kicking my butt most days. well, that mixed with an active toddler and a newly turned 3 year old. whoever named it terrible 2's obviously had never been around a 3 year old. it's a whole new world of discipline and training and i often feel overwhelmed. a 2 year old is typically about controlling their behavior and helping them cope. this 3 business is much more about their heart and motivation and them being deliberately disobedient. at least in my experience so far. 
needless to say, my energy is way down. so is my patience and gentleness and other general fruits of the spirit. by the end of the day, i am wiped out. i can't imagine having to sit down for a couple more hours focusing on calls. 
so, i am so thankful. it's definitely not how i would have chosen my relationship with callsource to end, but it is for the best. absolutely. i don't think i knew my own limits. 

and right now, finley is sitting on the toilet for 10 minutes so far waiting for poo poo. when he goes, he gets a new backhoe! SO this is a big step. we've had some trouble in the poo department with him and the potty. wish me luck. never a dull day around here. 

thanks for letting me be real. appreciate you.

love, love.
mer