guts

okay. i'm ready to tell you my tale. my tale of travel. with my young ones. it is not a kind tale. you may find yourself feeling physical pain for me. or laughing really hard. just don't tell me where you land. 

i won't tell you what it was like going to portland... it was an easy first flight to denver and then a more difficult trip to portland... but really, not too bad. thank you. 

now... coming home to charlotte.... we woke up and were out my mom's door at 6am. my dear friend allie drove us and we were planning on her being able to "escort" us to the gate. aka getting through security with a buddy and not just me with 2 bags, 2 children, and a gigantic stroller... awesome. jake was able to go back with me in charlotte. we parked. got the kids in the stroller. i had 2 checked roll bags. 2 carry on bags. and ahemm... 2 carseats. and well, 2 adults to get this all inside. in one trip. portland parking is tricky and you inevitably have to take an elevator... or 3 in our case. we get to the united desk. the line is insanely long. yikes! allie kindly offers to stand aside the line with the kids while i wait in line with 2 roll bags and 2 car seats. i am quite the sight already. about 5 minutes into the line, i hear the lady at the end of the line say, "domestic flights can check bags outside." oh, these are mostly international travelers. sheesh. so i very gracefully get out of line, somehow breaking off that "rope" thing that makes the lines (know what i'm talking about? sorry, have no idea what those things are called). anyhow, call allie over and the whole gang walks outside to the line. shorter, but a line. and the policeman guard security type man kept yelling at us to get closer to the wall so we weren't blocking the sidewalk. HELLO! can't you see we are 2 small women managing a lot of baggage at this moment! anyhow, we got our bags checked. got rid of those darned carseats and go back inside to get allie a pass to come back with me. well, remember that long line... well i cut. and i walk up to the "elite" desk or whoever those special people are called. and ask politely (?) and quickly for a boarding pass for my dear friend. well she whispered to her co-worker who slightly, yet obviously shook his head and then she said, "we only give escort passes to handicapped people. not people who just have kids." ouch. i, in my meredith is passive and not outspoken kind of way, asked why she couldn't come back and why my husband could when i left charlotte, etc. but there was no mercy. no hope of a security buddy. i was feeling pressed for time so allie and i's goodbye was quite abrupt and i was choking back that tear ball in the back of your throat thing. know what i mean? it was just all so sudden. and everyone was being so mean to me. and my plan was being thwarted. and finley was screaming to go on that darned slide across from the security line. i mean who puts a playground in an airport anyway?!? audrey was certainly not happy being in the stroller and i just kept moving in the line. pretending nothing was happening. we make it through. my mom kindly packed 4 juice boxes to get us through the day, which i forgot about. so they had to search my stuff and found them and then the man told me he had to open all of them to test them! i mean, what the!?!? so he tossed em. i just didn't have time for that. sorry mom :( 

 i run to get a coffee. we get to the gate. i sit, call jake, regroup. get the kids out for a bit. bad idea. always a bad idea. because they have to get back in. which apparently rips their independence from them and they scream bloody murder. anyhow, they begin boarding which i always try and do early bc the moment at the end of the jet way when i have to get my bags/keep finley in place/hold audrey while breaking down massive stroller is a wee bit stressful. then i notice... i'm in 12A and finley is in 27A... not exactly next to each other. i contemplate just sitting him next to a stranger for about one second and realize, no i can't do that to someone i don't know! ha! so i get to the counter and the lady magically makes it all okay and we get on the plane. sitting next to a nice old man. i do manage to spill my coffee (boo) all over his seat as i was sitting down. sorry, old man. he asks if i want either of my bags above head which i say no and i know he's wondering how in the what what they will fit under the seats. then a miracle happened. there was ONE empty seat on the plane and right before take-off the flight attendant comes and whispers to him and up he goes. giving us the row. wonderful decision old man. the next 4 hours will not be pretty. 

this is becoming an extremely long story... so just imagine trying to harness 2 wild monkeys in a small space, while maintaining their ultimate happiness and attention. FOR 4 HOURS! lets just say there were many fruit loops thrown and used as dump truck "dirt"; every toy i brought is "played" with and thrown within the first 20 minutes; way too many fruit roll ups eaten (but they were a lifesaver, thanks mom); baby einstein on the portable dvd player kinda works for like 10 minutes, but audrey figures out there are buttons on it and its all downhill from there; LOTS of screaming; and a trip to the bathroom with both kids actually seemed like a vacation! 

the layover in chicago was rough. to say the least. i let finley run around, safely and near me, of course!! aud was crawling all over the floor eating goldfish and chicken nuggets, yum. both kids pooed, and yes... shamefully i changed them on the chairs in the wide open air, sorry chicago airport. i did put a blanket down... anyway, i tried to let them be as free as possible knowing what was coming. they were just running/crawling freely until finley disobeyed and had timeout in the stroller. aka if he is ever being kidnapped i pray he screams that loud and fights his kidnapper as hard as he was fighting me on that one. i am confident the kidnapper would rethink his choice.

we got on the next plane. they both passed out asleep. glory! in very awkward positions, but i would not dare move for fear of waking the beasts! but my legs went numb and my right arm was holding finley's head in place. also going numb. it was a blissful 20 minutes. and then it was complete chaos the last hour of the flight. i did remember i had dum-dums! again, thanks mom! i mistakenly gave audrey a blue one, and she slobbers... lovely blue spit everywhere. awesome. finley ate 4 dum-dums. in a row. i just kept shoving them in. then they both screamed. off and on and in unison until we landed. people stared. it was a small plane. only like 70 people. so everyone knew which kids were screaming. mine. finley was holding his ears screaming. poor little guy. 

well... let me finally wrap this up. i am so truly grateful i was able to go to portland and see my family and visit close friends. all in all, the trip was so so worth it. what i noticed was traveling with 2 kids alone requires guts. and i had to just not care what people thought about me. or my wonderful children. they don't know me. and don't know them. they don't know where i come from or where i'm going. and yes, i could have been that girl you saw with a giant 2 year old red faced, screaming boy trying to crawl out of the stroller and i just kept walking... or the girl who watched her toddler daughter eating crushed goldfish off nasty airport carpet. or the one bribing my kids with candy. or the one who exposed strangers to her kid's poo. or "that mom" who left a huge amount of crums and trash on the airplane (i am truly sorry about that one flight people). but we made it. it was one rather horrible, terrible, very bad day, for 11 days of fun with people i love! i realized there were 2 kinds of people watching me. those who looked on and said, "wow, lady. control your kids." and those who thought, "that poor girl." haha! i had to keep my head up and just keep walking. 

i do think i won't be traveling alone for a long long long long long time, like ever. :) but we'll see. i'm sure the trauma will wear off. but then i'll read this post and cry while in the fetal position. 

it's late. i'm gonna get in bed.

night, thanks for reading my novel. 

love.