m.o.t.y.

you guys, i won this award. it's m.o.t.y. or mother of the year. true dat. and here's why...

remember that teething monster i had.... well.... she actually had this thing called hand-foot-and-mouth. yes. those horrible, i mean really bad, 3 days we had last week were due to that loser of a virus. how do i know, you ask? BECAUSE FINLEY GOT THE SAME THING! 

sunday, monday, and tuesday, audrey was a mess. wednesday she was a bit better and had this rash all over her legs. i just assumed it was from teething. thursday morning, finley started acting funny. laying on the floor. for like hours. if you know him, you know this is quite weird. he watched several tv shows in a row. he was an all american couch potato. that night he got a fever. a good one. about 101.4. that night he woke up multiple times in his sleep calling out for me. friday he barely moved. the whole day. that fever was holding on and he was about 100 all day long. it's the sickest he's ever been. he hasn't been sick much in his life so it was super weird to see him like that. he woke up LOTS of times that night. my hero, jake, got up all night with him. every time i would go in he would just cry and not let me leave. yesterday he wakes up and his fever is gone and what else??.... the EXACT same rash all over his hands and legs that audrey has. i asked my friend, renee, about his fever and gave me the idea that it could be h-f-a-m. indeed, it is so. 

now, i felt slightly guilty about blaming audrey's extreme and obvious discomfort on her gums. mostly because i smothered them in orajel. her gums that probably weren't hurting. oh well. can't win em all. it is one of those viruses that you don't really know what's up until they get the rash that happens at the end of it. 

however, the lovely, beautiful, bright and shining silver linging of it all... jake and i had an unexpected date night last night!!! glory, hallelujah. boy, did i need that. being cooped up in the house all week with sick kids did me in. there was a morning wedding yesterday, so he was off work at 5 and this girl who works for the business has offered to babysit in the past, so i called her up and she was up for it. holla! we put the kids to bed. i showered and wore real clothes (a major miracle as i wore sweats for 3 days!), and jake and i went to chili's! can't go wrong with that place. i think i ate an entire chips and salsa round on my own. we talked and laughed and made silly videos and just enjoyed the heck out of each other. stopped by walmart for a couple things (including a pint of ben and jerry's "new york super fudge chunk"- holy yum!), and drove around with the windows down. i just had the best time. and i needed it. the Lord knew. i mean, i hadn't had human contact for most of the week and was starting to act like a cave-person. you know, writing hieroglyphics and grunting to communicate.

i am beyond thankful finley has started acting mostly like himself today. and audrey is just as delightful as ever. i am thankful my children are typically healthy and i won't take that for granted! it was a rough week. here's to the next! 

hope all is well with you.

love. 

gum drama

you guys. my house has been overtaken by... a... teething... monster. little miss has been quite the handful the last few days. poor thing. her world is crashing around her and she has no idea why her mouth is on fire. nor can she tell me what hurts. she's pulling at her ears, has no appetite, and has very interrupted sleep. if i put her down or walk away from her i have single hand-idly ruined her life and she collapses to the ground in complete protest. needless to say, i'm ready for those babies to make an appearance. i don't remember finley being this bad, ever, through the teething process. jake says he was at some points... i guess i just blur it out. it's for my own good, i am sure. because i still want more babies in the future. and if you don't blur out the "icky" stuff (aka LABOR AND BIRTH! hello 46 hours of torture) you simply would only do it once. but they joy and life and love that comes with the wee ones makes it worth it. even in the days and weeks of being a slave to that little person. it's weird how a 13 month old can have so much power over me. but when she's teething, i will snuggle and not clean the house and leave the laundry sitting unfolded on the table (that may or may not happen when everyone's perfectly happy) and just sit on our nice carpet being her slave. because right now, what she wants, goes. you guys i'm telling you, when audrey ain't happy, nobody's happy. so i will sit her on my lap to feed her, for she will not go in her high chair. and i will carry her through the grocery store for how dare i put her in the cart! and i will just hope and pray it passes quickly. i'm guessing this is a picture of the rest of our life with this beautiful, wild, opinionated little girl. pray for me! ha! my mom still claims that i was "dramatic" about most everything growing up. i know, i know she's got to have fabricated some evidence. perhaps i will be able to relate to my baby girl if it turns out we have one thing in common: anything and everything could make or break our world. i hope i will lean towards compassion if so. for now, i'll be on the floor with my children. cause if i move, there will be hell to pay. i love my life.

p.s. finley has officially started singing. talk about heart exploding in joy. it's the sweetest. he sings, "how he loves us". it kind of sounds like he's just yelling, but he's not! haha! oh man do i love that sound. 

hope all is well with you.

love. 

joy

right now, it's 4:23 in the afternoon. 

"blindsided" by bon iver is playing. audrey is happy as can be in her bouncy swing. finley is in the hallway pretending an old book is a skateboard and i am thinking, this is what life is all about. 

in this small and short moment i am sure, all is well. 

and i am content.

love. 

guts

okay. i'm ready to tell you my tale. my tale of travel. with my young ones. it is not a kind tale. you may find yourself feeling physical pain for me. or laughing really hard. just don't tell me where you land. 

i won't tell you what it was like going to portland... it was an easy first flight to denver and then a more difficult trip to portland... but really, not too bad. thank you. 

now... coming home to charlotte.... we woke up and were out my mom's door at 6am. my dear friend allie drove us and we were planning on her being able to "escort" us to the gate. aka getting through security with a buddy and not just me with 2 bags, 2 children, and a gigantic stroller... awesome. jake was able to go back with me in charlotte. we parked. got the kids in the stroller. i had 2 checked roll bags. 2 carry on bags. and ahemm... 2 carseats. and well, 2 adults to get this all inside. in one trip. portland parking is tricky and you inevitably have to take an elevator... or 3 in our case. we get to the united desk. the line is insanely long. yikes! allie kindly offers to stand aside the line with the kids while i wait in line with 2 roll bags and 2 car seats. i am quite the sight already. about 5 minutes into the line, i hear the lady at the end of the line say, "domestic flights can check bags outside." oh, these are mostly international travelers. sheesh. so i very gracefully get out of line, somehow breaking off that "rope" thing that makes the lines (know what i'm talking about? sorry, have no idea what those things are called). anyhow, call allie over and the whole gang walks outside to the line. shorter, but a line. and the policeman guard security type man kept yelling at us to get closer to the wall so we weren't blocking the sidewalk. HELLO! can't you see we are 2 small women managing a lot of baggage at this moment! anyhow, we got our bags checked. got rid of those darned carseats and go back inside to get allie a pass to come back with me. well, remember that long line... well i cut. and i walk up to the "elite" desk or whoever those special people are called. and ask politely (?) and quickly for a boarding pass for my dear friend. well she whispered to her co-worker who slightly, yet obviously shook his head and then she said, "we only give escort passes to handicapped people. not people who just have kids." ouch. i, in my meredith is passive and not outspoken kind of way, asked why she couldn't come back and why my husband could when i left charlotte, etc. but there was no mercy. no hope of a security buddy. i was feeling pressed for time so allie and i's goodbye was quite abrupt and i was choking back that tear ball in the back of your throat thing. know what i mean? it was just all so sudden. and everyone was being so mean to me. and my plan was being thwarted. and finley was screaming to go on that darned slide across from the security line. i mean who puts a playground in an airport anyway?!? audrey was certainly not happy being in the stroller and i just kept moving in the line. pretending nothing was happening. we make it through. my mom kindly packed 4 juice boxes to get us through the day, which i forgot about. so they had to search my stuff and found them and then the man told me he had to open all of them to test them! i mean, what the!?!? so he tossed em. i just didn't have time for that. sorry mom :( 

 i run to get a coffee. we get to the gate. i sit, call jake, regroup. get the kids out for a bit. bad idea. always a bad idea. because they have to get back in. which apparently rips their independence from them and they scream bloody murder. anyhow, they begin boarding which i always try and do early bc the moment at the end of the jet way when i have to get my bags/keep finley in place/hold audrey while breaking down massive stroller is a wee bit stressful. then i notice... i'm in 12A and finley is in 27A... not exactly next to each other. i contemplate just sitting him next to a stranger for about one second and realize, no i can't do that to someone i don't know! ha! so i get to the counter and the lady magically makes it all okay and we get on the plane. sitting next to a nice old man. i do manage to spill my coffee (boo) all over his seat as i was sitting down. sorry, old man. he asks if i want either of my bags above head which i say no and i know he's wondering how in the what what they will fit under the seats. then a miracle happened. there was ONE empty seat on the plane and right before take-off the flight attendant comes and whispers to him and up he goes. giving us the row. wonderful decision old man. the next 4 hours will not be pretty. 

this is becoming an extremely long story... so just imagine trying to harness 2 wild monkeys in a small space, while maintaining their ultimate happiness and attention. FOR 4 HOURS! lets just say there were many fruit loops thrown and used as dump truck "dirt"; every toy i brought is "played" with and thrown within the first 20 minutes; way too many fruit roll ups eaten (but they were a lifesaver, thanks mom); baby einstein on the portable dvd player kinda works for like 10 minutes, but audrey figures out there are buttons on it and its all downhill from there; LOTS of screaming; and a trip to the bathroom with both kids actually seemed like a vacation! 

the layover in chicago was rough. to say the least. i let finley run around, safely and near me, of course!! aud was crawling all over the floor eating goldfish and chicken nuggets, yum. both kids pooed, and yes... shamefully i changed them on the chairs in the wide open air, sorry chicago airport. i did put a blanket down... anyway, i tried to let them be as free as possible knowing what was coming. they were just running/crawling freely until finley disobeyed and had timeout in the stroller. aka if he is ever being kidnapped i pray he screams that loud and fights his kidnapper as hard as he was fighting me on that one. i am confident the kidnapper would rethink his choice.

we got on the next plane. they both passed out asleep. glory! in very awkward positions, but i would not dare move for fear of waking the beasts! but my legs went numb and my right arm was holding finley's head in place. also going numb. it was a blissful 20 minutes. and then it was complete chaos the last hour of the flight. i did remember i had dum-dums! again, thanks mom! i mistakenly gave audrey a blue one, and she slobbers... lovely blue spit everywhere. awesome. finley ate 4 dum-dums. in a row. i just kept shoving them in. then they both screamed. off and on and in unison until we landed. people stared. it was a small plane. only like 70 people. so everyone knew which kids were screaming. mine. finley was holding his ears screaming. poor little guy. 

well... let me finally wrap this up. i am so truly grateful i was able to go to portland and see my family and visit close friends. all in all, the trip was so so worth it. what i noticed was traveling with 2 kids alone requires guts. and i had to just not care what people thought about me. or my wonderful children. they don't know me. and don't know them. they don't know where i come from or where i'm going. and yes, i could have been that girl you saw with a giant 2 year old red faced, screaming boy trying to crawl out of the stroller and i just kept walking... or the girl who watched her toddler daughter eating crushed goldfish off nasty airport carpet. or the one bribing my kids with candy. or the one who exposed strangers to her kid's poo. or "that mom" who left a huge amount of crums and trash on the airplane (i am truly sorry about that one flight people). but we made it. it was one rather horrible, terrible, very bad day, for 11 days of fun with people i love! i realized there were 2 kinds of people watching me. those who looked on and said, "wow, lady. control your kids." and those who thought, "that poor girl." haha! i had to keep my head up and just keep walking. 

i do think i won't be traveling alone for a long long long long long time, like ever. :) but we'll see. i'm sure the trauma will wear off. but then i'll read this post and cry while in the fetal position. 

it's late. i'm gonna get in bed.

night, thanks for reading my novel. 

love. 

home sweet home

man, it's been a while. i was gone for 12 days in the ol' portland, OR. what a wonderful time it was. i was able to see many people i love and care about. i was able to go the beach with some girls and NO CHILDREN! glory, hallelujah! thanks, mom, steve and uncle danny! it was so refreshing and relaxing to not carry diapers or sippy cups in my purse. it's monday afternoon now. we got home saturday night. and it has been wonderful being home with my dear husband who was not able to come on the trip with us this time. he missed us :) and us him. he picked us up at the airport and finley was pushing around one of our suitcases and when he saw jake, jake said, "can i get a hug?" and he put the suitcase down and gave him a big, huge hug. it was the best! i am so thankful i was able to go to p-town and see so many people i miss. and i am glad i have a warm, wonderful home to come home to. i came home to a spotless house, new flower/plants hanging by our front door, a new landscaped yard, 2 mothers day bouquets in the house, and a homemade cake! what a guy i have. see, he missed us :) 
i'm going to write about some of the flights here pretty soon. an experience it was, indeed. unforgettable. so stay tuned for that! ha! 

see y'all in a bit.

love.