my oil

Then she will say, 
 "I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now"
She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold- which they now used for Baal.
                                     Hosea 2:7,8


i've been all over the place lately. such a mix of deep thankfulness, curiosity, tiredness, loneliness, fullness, sadness. in my own little world where i stay at home with my littles, life is pretty simple. i make breakfast, check facebook, clean, do laundry, go workout, make lunch, naptime (!) :), park, grocery shop, make dinner, give baths, do bedtime, be with jake, watch a tv show, work on my calls, go to bed. it's that simple. everyday. and all of those things must be done at various times every week or everyday.  it's easy to keep my mind busy because of that. i can go through life happily just "doing my thing". taking care of business. ha. but when i do sit and think, ponder, feel... there is much going on. much going on in my heart. and in the hearts of people i love deeply. some are going through joyful, summer seasons of life. others are in the middle of deep, gut wrenching pain. to the praise of Jesus, our little family is doing well. really breathing deeply and taking in this new "season". where it is literally sunny everyday and in the 80's. we have challenges here, of course. but overall i am truly thankful for where the sweet Lord has us. i love our house. it means the world to me that we can be in such a comfortable, clean, spacious place day in and day out. and that we were blessed enormously with the cost of rent... because the owner of this house is the family of the original house that the wedding business is on. and mrs. alexander was very pleased with how her family's home was restored, that she gave us a fantastic deal on this house. (was that a confusing explanation?) anyhow, it's a gift. and i know that. 
for some reason, since moving here, i feel like there are many less distractions... i think it's because we don't have any friends! haha! but seriously. i miss my sweet portland friends so much. vanessa, allie, shona, kelsey, sister katie, colin and whitney, my dear momma and her steve, and many more.... becca, jeanette,... trista, but i've missed her for a long time now... anyway. there are so many people i would love to sit in the same room with right now. not having these people near, has given me all my attention... and all my attention goes to jake, finley and audrey. and i feel like i am getting to know each of these people a lot better. i've been so in love with my kids these days. they are my best friends... we literally do EVERYthing together :). finley is learning SO much these days. what a joy to be part of. i could go on and on about him. he is such a gift. keeps me on my knees, i tell you. and he has captured my heart and we have this connection that i just love. audrey is my joy. what fun to have a little girl. i can't wait to know her and be in her life. i feel like she is so cool and i just want to be her friend, ha! i think there is something special about her. don't quite know what it is, but just a feeling. could be cause i'm her mother... but hey! i won't be surprised if she does great things in this life. jake is so dear to me. he is truly my partner. he picks up my slack. we are strong where the other is weak. we are as opposite as opposite gets. and yet very in love and love being together. we enjoy the same things and could spend a whole month traveling the country together (wait... i think we did that). i am so thankful the Lord knew us. and knew we should be together. if you don't know him, you should. 
i have a heaviness in my heart. just for people i love who have pain. i haven't forgotten. and i think of the people in my life everyday. and i am learning about prayer. lifting people up in prayer. because i am not nearby to listen, or talk, or bring my kids over. 
i wrote that verse above because it's just been what i've been holding in my heart lately. i want to remember the Lord. who He is. what He has done. what He does. and i so easily forget. He gives me my grain. my oil. my breath. my life. what a gift it is. 


whoever you are who reads this, thank you. for spending time reading my thoughts :)


love to you.