currently...

it's been too long since I've done a kid update on here, so here we go.

currently...

FINLEY:

• is loving preschool! the two days a week schedule works out great for everybody right now. he has learned the "elbow cough" which is a good way of not spreading germs and Audrey has caught onto it, so that's nice. he makes pictures or crafts everyday. eats his whole lunch. plays hard on the playground. and ms. Ingrid says he always has good days, is a good helper, and is very well behaved (phew!) lol!
• is FOUR years old. and very much not a baby anymore. all the things that kept him a toddler are totally done now. his speech and talking has matured a lot and he just "gets" things now.
• loves curious George
• doesn't nap
• still loves all things construction related. he actually got to ride on a skid loader at the homestead with daddy, who rented one for some projects. that was a cool day!
• is bailey's bff. for real. he loves her. she loves him. if she's fussing, he almost always takes the initiative to walk over and talk to her and make her happy. it works. happy momma here.
• wears size 5 clothing.
• has a tender heart and likes to know the rules.
• is sometimes a follower when he's around bigger kids.
• is awesome.

getting his birthday gift from meema and gpa steve on skype!

AUDREY:

• is 2 1/2
• is very familiar with the time out corner, ha!
• gives the best kisses and hugs
• LOVES her daddy
• sings entire songs all by herself
• still loves baby dolls and is always carrying one around
• cheers her bubby on when he does something good. "yahoo! yay! good jowb, finney!"
• is potty trained (!) without much effort on my part. gotta be my reward for the torture that was potty training finley, hahahaha!
• talks.all.the.time :) (I did ask God for a talkative daughter)
• her favorite song is "no more monkeys jumpin on da bed!"
• is very funny and animated. and bossy. don't know where that came from. do YOU, aunt Katie?!?!?!
• is such joy and light to jake and me

BAILEY

• "oh, bails"
• (we say this at least once a day) :)
• will be 6 months old on Saturday! SAY WHAT NOW?!?!
• eats some solid food before bed. i'll gradually increase this.
• she only woke up once last night from 6:30pm-7am! thank you, solid food.
• so she is not sleeping through the night yet, lol
• can be distracted by toys...such a blessing to be in this stage. but don't think about crawling anytime soon!
• is a big, chunky, wonderful chub of love!
• we all adore our bails. even in the tough days, which we still have.
• and she has these unique, sparkly eyes.

so there you have it. jake and I are doing great! October was out of control busy for us and the wedding venue, so we are now entering the quiet season until about feb/march. we are all so ready for this. there is a lot to look forward to coming up. thanksgiving at a lake house with my mom and steve, Katie, liz and danny! YAY for grandparents and aunts and an uncle. I plan on only nursing bailey, and letting them do everything else! hahaha! but for real :)
Christmas in Illinois this year with jake's family. all great things.

 a typical afternoon outside

 fin's bday party!

 pumpkin patch...they were all actually happy, lol!

 THAT THIGH.

 halloween with cousins!

daddy and his youngest (he's so hott)

thanks for checking in! hope all is well in your world.

love to you.

mer

taker

i just feel the need to write right now. i'm not quite sure what will come of it so if you wanna come back another time, i understand :) you see, i was just processing some stuff with jake about the new women's group in our church that I've been a part of. it's been a huge joy and i love going on Wednesday mornings. here's my thing...

i am a taker.

i'm the 4th of 5 kids in my family. do you know what that means? my big sisters and brother took care of me. always. especially my sisters. my mom and dad were great parents and very much helped me along the way. i'm not a leader by personality. i am shy. quiet. introverted. i am this on the outside. that's what most people see. but. there is a truly out of control, loud(er), ridiculous mere that some people get to know. and i am honestly both. both are true representations of me. 

the quiet me is a taker.

it's easier to sit back and let others be in the spotlight. to listen and not contribute. to read blogs instead of write them. to expect others to be prepared instead of preparing. this is the curse of being a younger sibling (in my case). i am in no way making that an excuse. i am just saying that it has contributed to my taking. i am one of the small group leaders of our Wednesday morning group and i did a bad job this time through. i'm not having a pity party or beating myself up. it's just true. i didn't prepare week to week the way a leader should have. sure, i have 3 small, insanely busy and needy children (who i adore with all my being), but there is always something(s), right?

i think i am just wondering what would happen if i stopped taking so much. what if i was truly intentional? what if i planned ahead? what if i took certain things more seriously? what if i gave with all my heart?

yikes. all those things scare me. i feel anxiety in my stomach. by default, i am laid back. i don't plan too much. i am not a control freak. i don't usually put socks on my kids when it's chilly outside (i know, i am working on it. i ran back in the house this morning to get Audrey some-which she took off as soon as we got to church!) i don't worry all that much. i can wing it. i just assume things will be taken care of.
and these can all be good things.

they can also hinder God's work. in huge ways.

deep down in my heart, i want more. i want more responsibility. more entrusted to me. more opportunities to give and serve and lead. but i'm terrified. and i can easily hide behind all my babies and be super busy and exhausted (yes, true).
but what if? what if i gave just a little bit more. and then a little more than that. i wonder what would happen.

love to you.
mer 

stopping

rejoice in this divine romance.

in a very dark time in my life, the sweet Lord connected with me in the picture of romance with him. of dancing with him. of him being all I need. it was the sweetest time I've ever known. in the middle of some painful things, I was safe. I was held. I was taken care of. he knew me. even if I didn't let most people. it was in this place that I learned to rejoice no matter what. that I learned to completely abandon myself to him. the place where I was truly me. I've never been more alive.

life these days is busy. we say that all the time, huh. my days are packed full every hour just about. at least I pack them full. now with 3 babies 3 and under, yes. my days are full. but I do have time. I know I do. I usually want to zone out and watch tv or sit with jake or just be. that's what babies do to you. i'm learning that I can take a little bit of time to try and connect to this place with my Jesus that I knew so well long ago. it won't look the same. I don't have 2 hours in the middle of the day to completely unplug and be in his presence. but I can turn on some Jesus music and amidst the bustle, I can rest. I can ask his Spirit to somehow let the words others have written to penetrate my heart. even when i'm giving time outs and getting out the "play beans" so they can make a gigantic mess in the kitchen. but it keeps them quite for a while. and I can write this and be in that place for a few moments.

Jesus is so sweet. and he is patient with me. he waits. he wants me. and he waits. when I finally step away and ask for him, he comes. every time. so faithful.

rejoice in this divine romance.

love.
mer

true

here's my heart, Lord.
speak what is true.
here's my life, Lord.
speak what is true.

i am found.
i am yours.
i am loved.
i'm made pure.
i have life.
i can breathe.
i am healed.
i am free.

cause you are strong.
you are sure.
you are life.
you endure.
you are good.
always true.
you are light.
breaking through.
you are more.
you are here.
you are love.
you are hope.
you are grace.
you're all I have.
you're everything.

here's my heart, Lord.
here's my heart, Lord.
here's my heart, Lord.
speak what is true.

speak what is true.

thank you, David Crowder for these words. this is right where I am today. praying and longing for His goodness to consume my sin. His light to consume my darkness. His peace to consume my anxiety. and His hope to consume my lack of. I want truth to speak to me and nothing else. His love is so kind.

if you have a minute, listen to this song, "here's my heart" today. you won't regret it.

much love.
mer

well, hello

hi there. my, the stretches between blogs seems to keep growing. life is flying by. yesterday was my beloved's birthday. it was a warm, loving, grace filled day celebrating my jake. good friends and family showed lots of love and it meant a lot to him. I can't believe we are in the second half of September already. I don't mind it too much because all the best times of year are coming up. to look back though, we had quite the summer. almost all of our family on both sides made a huge trip to come visit us and meet the newbie, bailey. and our dear friends the Eisenzimmers came all the way from Portland, too. that is love. to be honest, life right after bailey gray was born was rough. painful. sleepless. stressful. hard. and if you came to visit us in the midst of that, you BLESSED us. more than you will ever know. from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

this fall is different for us. my big, almost 4 year old, finley, is in preschool twice a week. can I get an amen?!? ha! it truly is good for ALL of us :) he is loving it. his teacher says he is doing great and I get some much needed one on one time with audrey. it is such a treasure taking only 2 kids to the grocery store! and I have time to just sit on the living room floor while Audrey draws or reads to me with no interruptions. till bailey wakes up that is, but it is sweet time. 

our church started the first ever womens morning/bible study group and I LOVE it. it's so wonderful and refreshing getting to know the ladies of ridge church.

little bailey is our little song bird. she literally sings. very early in the morning most days and in the car. I will get a video of it, because it is so funny. jake started calling her song bird and it just might stick. she had a rough first few months, but for the most part now, she is a delight! we love our bails.

being in the season of discipline (hopefully Godly, consistent, grace filled discipline) of two babes under 4 is exhausting. completely and utterly exhausting. and i need Him.  

like i said, i can't believe it's mid September. and that my newborn is over 4 months old. and that finley is almost 4. and that Audrey is in the "big girl" class at church now. my babies and me are all learning and growing. a lot of days are long and difficult. mothering is so.so.so.hard. and amazing. God has been very gracious through His people and just in Himself this year. all i know is, Lord willing, tomorrow i will get up, early, and drink my iced coffee and somehow get all the kids fed and dressed and get ourselves in the car to get to women's group. hopefully tomorrow, i will think of the Lord and be present, intentional, awake. often i fumble through my days with 3 young kids and just try to survive till bedtime. i know these days of young babies will pass so fast and i'm trying to soak it up. i will also soak up spit up, sticky syrup spotted tables, spilled morning coffee all over the table, floor, and iphone (it survived, thankfully) and poop. lots of poop. and it couldn't be a better life. i just don't want it to pass me by.

love to you.
mer

whole30 and beyond

good day, y'all. hope it's treating you well. so far today, finley accidentally sat on bailey's face as she was laying on the floor, and Audrey was trying to fill up her water bottle at one of those fridge water things and she must have not known how to stop once it was full and it started overflowing. she started screaming and then, I guess, pulled it off too hard and it all dumped down on her face. it was actually really funny, but she was freaking out. she kept yelling, "NO WA-WER! NOOO!" and in the process, I burned my eggs. that smells good.

so, I promised a whole30 wrap up, and here is my attempt. I've debated the best way to go about it and I might just make a list of lessons learned/tips we discovered along the way.
in case you don't know what i'm talking about, whole30 is this: eating ONLY meats/fish, vegetables, some fruit, some nuts, and oils for 30 days. it is a program designed to detox your body from all the chemicals, processed foods, and junk we consume. also, it's designed to get your body to stop craving sugar and unhealthy food that does not fuel you or satisfy you. you eat whole foods with NO added sugar in the ingredients (which is more a challenge then you think).

the downsides to whole30:

• it is expensive. we spent nearly double our grocery budget to have a constant supply of fresh produce and meats (but we didn't eat out at all and so it balanced out).
• it is a lot of work. you basically need to cook/prepare something for 3 meals a day/7 days a week. there are tricks to make this easier, but it's time consuming.
• it's very hard in the beginning.

the upsides to whole30:

• my body craves vegetables.
• my mind is clear. I am able to control my emotions and just think more clearly in general. I didn't even necessarily know food affected my reasoning ability, but it does. in the highly stressful, chaotic moments of my day, I am able to deal a lot better (probably because I am not grabbing a cookie or diet coke or handful of m&m's when i'm stressed anymore).
• I know, now, the amount and kind of food my body needs to be fueled and satisfied and it is less than I used to eat.
• jake and I have tried out a TON of new recipes and have worked together to make meals and it has been so fun.
• jake and I did this together and it was really, really cool. I asked him to do it with me and then he jumped on board. in the beginning when you feel miserable and just want to eat some bread or a cookie or something, he would be strong when I was weak and wanted to give in and vice versa. our relationship grew because of this practice of denial and perseverance. because it really is a practice of both.
• fruit tastes like desert. since we haven't been eating deserts or artificial flavors and foods at all, we can actually appreciate the pure sweetness of strawberries or mangos or peaches. they are so satisfying. watermelon was a lifesaver :)
• I fit in all my pre-preggo clothes.

some tips we learned during whole30:

• putting lemon and/or lime in your water is helpful and feels like a splurge after drinking only water. we figured this out on day 10. ha!
• if black coffee is not appealing to you (it was NOT for me), drink it iced. it really helps and now I love it.
• learn ALL the ways to make eggs in the morning and try em out. I got so sick of eggs by day 14, but we started mixing it up and we got through it.
• when you want to quit, don't. it really is so worth it.
• in the early days when you think a sandwich will make your headache and dizziness and yuckiness go away, eat 3 big carrots (this is what happened to me on day 9 :)).
• do it with someone! I could not have done it without jake. if you're married, I don't know how you can do it without your spouse. no way could I make food for me and him separately. plus it's accountability and encouragement.
• pray. when you crave something, pray.
• frozen grapes! an awesome treat when you really want dessert.
• finally, drink hot tea after dinner. it totally makes you not want anything else to eat.

there ya have it. jake and I had a super positive experience and it just was a really healthy thing to do physically, emotionally, and spiritually. watching my babe stick it out when he was struggling was very encouraging and made me want to also.

text your friends who have done it before you when you're struggling. thank you, rebekah ransom, julie zellers, and jessica williams :)

our Bails. she's keepin us young :)

love to you.
mer

coffee time

so, if we were out to coffee right now, i'd be telling you about the following things going on around the greer's casa.

• bailey gray is 10 weeks old today! somehow, that went by fast. she was one tough newborn, that sweet girl. she is doing quite a bit better now. still fussy during the day, but probably cause I can barely ever hold the dear girl cause i'm chasing little people, or trying to get us in the car, or wiping up poop off the carpet, etc. we sure love her. especially big bro and big sis. she is sleeping pretty good at night! much better than bro and sis were at this age. still up a couple times, but i'll take it. she is in the 93% for weight. we looooove the baby rolls around here.
• audrey repeats EVERYTHING finley does. everything, people. which meeeaaaannnsss, when finley throws a fit because i won't let him use a real knife to cut play-doh, audrey suddenly wants the same knife and when i tell her no, it's the end of the world all over again. most the time her little shadowing is cute. sometimes her little shadowing sends everyone to their rooms because mama is "gonna say something she will regret". lol.
• i've never felt the kind of exhaustion i have felt since bailey came into the world. when i finally sit down for the night, it's that deep down, thirst producing, feet gonna fall off, if i close my eyes i wont wake up, kind of exhaustion. 
• i've finally gotten the whole 3 kids in the grocery store thing down. i've been going to the "cookie store" a lot because it's close to the house, and if the little children are well behaved, they get a free cookie from the bin on the way out. whoever designed that was definitely a mom.
• jake and i are closing up day 14 of the whole30 program. y'all. this is a huge deal for us. if you are unfamiliar, whole30 is a program where for 30 days you eat NOTHING but meat, fruits, veggies, and some nuts. and healthy oils like olive and coconut. neither jake or i have ever cut out any kind of food from our diets, let alone dairy, carbs, beans, sugar, etc all at once. it's been eye opening and miserable so far! ha! they say the first 2 weeks are really hard as your body is detoxing from all the crap we usually fill it with. the last 2 weeks are when you start feeling amazing and seeing results. i will certainly come back and fill you in on how it ends. neither of us have cheated at all, and there is NO way i could be doing this without him. such a great teammate i have. i love my jake so much. i could talk much more on this whole30 thing, but i'm too tired. :)
• just so you know, this means i have had NO diet coke or sweetened coffee in 14 days. did not think that was possible for me.
• i am thankful that i feel like a person again. having a new baby is so crazy, i think. i know a lot of women love it, but it's hard on me. i'm thankful for the grace of sweet Jesus that got me through. and i can't thank my sweet family members for making HUGE sacrifices in order to fly here and serve me! would not have made it without you. mom, liz, katie, mom greer, jenny. my heart is full. so thank you.
• church is good. i love our church. and my high school girls.

man, i need to put some pictures on here. sorry. i know no one wants to just read words. boring. but it's all i got for now. thanks for checking in.

hope you're getting full nights of sleep wherever you are!

love to you,
mer